Okay, so the title of this blog can seem a bit morbid and dark, but I promise this is a VERY positive blog that I feel a lot of us need to see.
It’s not morbid, however I Am going to be REAL. Life gets dark. It’s not all sunshine, rainbows and Unicorns (although we wish it was!) or do we really wish it was, because then how would we grow? How would we learn, how would we experience? What would be the point of life if everything was good all the time, it would get boring, right?!
We ALL have low times. Like shit, really fucking low times. We ALL have felt depressed, anxious, frustrated, confused, numb, upset at some point in our lives. And I bet most of us have also thought about just giving up and ending our lives at some point. I definitely have many times. and that is nothing to be ashamed about, life can get hard! Mentally more than anything, your mind can drive you crazy! I know because I experience it.
However, we don’t have to end our lives to feel better, We always have the opportunity to begin again. Instead of killing ourselves, we “kill” all of the things in our life that don’t serve us anymore. We “kill” the version of ourselves that we don’t want to be anymore, in order to give “birth” to a new and improved version of ourselves. One that is being true to yourself and living the best life you can!
The reason that feeling so bad, well, feels SO BAD! Is because your inner being, source, The Universe, Higher Power, God, whatever you like to call it, doesn’t join you in that feeling. Your inner being is with you when you feel joy, when you feel satisfaction, when you feel peace, ALL OF THE GOOD STUFF! Your inner being is right there with you and that is why it feels SO good! WHEN YOU FEEL GOOD YOU ARE VIBRATIONAL ALIGNMENT WITH WHO YOU TRULY ARE. The LIMITLESS, INFINITE BEING THAT YOU TRULY ARE.
This is a powerful realisation. Outside circumstances aren’t what matter, what matters is how we CHOOSE to respond to them. Nothing can have power over you unless you let it. I have learned/remembered that we are not just physical beings, this physical reality is a temporary experience. WE ARE ENERGY. We are vibrational beings. The reason why we want the things we want, is for how we think we are going to FEEL when we have those things! But so many of us get caught up in that thing we think is our happiness being missing, and give all of our attention to that thing, person, job, situation whatever it is being missing, instead of appreciating what we have NOW! We actually make ourselves feel bad by choosing to give our focus to what is bringing us down.
We all love to hang onto those things that are bringing us down. Talk about them over and over again to ourselves, our friends, whoever will listen. We keep feeling bad so we have an excuse to overeat, to smoke, to drink, to do things that numb our pain and just temporarily cover it up. We keep feeling bad so we get sympathy, “oh poor me give me attention because I feel so bad”. We may feel stuck in our past and feel like that’s who we are and we have to take it with us… whatever the reason is, too many of us humans like to stay in our pity party.
The most powerful thing I have realised through depression, is that I have a CHOICE. how I feel is up to me and no one else.
We are EVOLVING beings. We are meant to grow, we are not meant to stay the same all of our lives. All of the situations, people, events etc in our lives are all lessons, and we can transform them and use them to become stronger, better versions of ourselves. We are not defined by our past, by the things that have happened to us, they are just part of our journey and we can thank them, no matter how bad the experience was, we are able to use that experience to grow, and also to help others who are going through what we went through! But our past isn’t who we are. Our past situations and beliefs don’t have to stay with us through our lives.
Because we are meant to evolve, when we are not evolving and we are holding on to the past or keeping up habits, beliefs, mindsets that don’t serve our highest good. We feel reeeeaaallly UNCOMFORTABLE! But like so uncomfortable that it feels comfortable, do you know what I mean?! Like you feel stuck there and don’t know how to move forward. And you’re there in that vicious cycle. I now recognise that when I feel this uncomfortable, stuck, stagnant, low feeling, that it’s time for change and it’s time for me to grow.
Things I look at when I feel this way:
- How am I feeling?
- Why do I feel this way, what is making me feel this way?
- How can I learn from this?
- What can I do to move forward and grow? How would I rather feel?
Every time I have these low times, as horrible as they are, I come out of the other side and feel truly REBORN. I recognise these times as the most valuable times in my life, I am grateful for them, because I know that I have the power to let them MAKE ME and not break me!
Since my spiritual awakening I have had more low times than I have ever had in my life! But it’s only that way because before I had my awakening, I thought the way I felt was normal and just continued to feel that way because I didn’t know what self love and alignment felt like or was. I was completely low on self esteem, looked to others for approval, looked for men to be attracted to me, tried to make myself fit in when I felt so uncomfortable etc etc.
However the low times during my spiritual journey have felt so bad because I know the opposite, I know what it feels like to be in alignment with who I truly am and how fucking incredible and MAGICAL it feels, and when I had my first low time after my awakening I thought “FUCK OMG AM I GOING BACK TO MY OLD WAY OF LIFE AGAIN?!”
And I now know that once you are awake, you are awake eternally. And these low times I have, are old parts of me coming up to be healed. So that I am letting go of all that is not me, so that I can live in my natural, true state of being, who I truly am within before any one else on Earth told me who I should be.
Just when I thought I had healed myself, everything was going so incredible in my life, I released my book “How To Be A F**king Unicorn”, I have my own clothing line 11.11 Earth etc etc, so many of my childhood dreams were coming into reality and I felt on top of the world! Then BAM! I started feeling so overwhelmed, my old insecurities and self doubt started coming up, I have been feeling so many things that I know are not who I am anymore. So many things I felt in my school days, in old friendships etc etc. And I’m like “why am I feeling this way again?!”
The past couple of months I have been healing my “old self” and recognising why I feel this way, where it came from and the lesson in it and giving it love so I can be my TRUE SELF.
So things have been coming up like for example, being scared to go back to dance class. I recognised the reason I was feeling this way is because when I used to go to classes or auditions or any environment like that, I would feel like I was in competition with others there. I would feel like I needed to prove my worth because I felt not good enough and intimidated. I now see I don’t need to feel this way anymore because I love myself, I know who I am and my purpose and I don’t need others to approve of me or understand me. There is no competition in life, no one can live my purpose, no one can take my dreams from me, there is enough room for all of us and we should be encouraging each other, not trying to one up each other! When others make you feel inferior, it is because they feel a lack of self love so project that onto you to try and make themselves feel better! I have had social anxiety for so long because of fear of what others thought of me, fear of rejection etc. And self love is the healer.
I recognise that all of my anxiety and fear have come from not feeling good enough. So I have been letting these feelings out. What situations in life made me feel this way and why? It all stems from my childhood, and has been a repeating pattern with different friends, lovers and situations since. All helping me heal and grow.
For so long in my life I have been afraid to shine, afraid to be my greatest self and follow my dreams because I was scared of what others thought of me. “Who does she think she is” would often be a reaction I played over and over. I was scared to be critisised, misunderstood and rejected. Which is why I tried so hard to fit in for most of my life, and I STILL felt this way! Even more so. So what I’ve learned is, we shouldn’t be scared to shine and suppress ourselves and play small because of fear of what others may think. WE WERE ALL BORN TO BE GREAT, and the only way you can remind others of their greatness is by BEING THE GREATEST YOU.
Now I know I am not this person who doesn’t feel good enough anymore, and my old habits and mindsets have been trying to move forward with me and they feel so uncomfortable in my being and not a representation of who I truly am. I am so bored and DONE with playing small, hiding, trying to make others understand me, worrying about how others see me and all of this stuff that I felt in the past.
I realised I need to kill the old me.
Kill the low self esteem, kill not feeling good enough, kill numbing my pain with temporary pleasure, kill feeling sorry for myself, kill playing small, kill looking to others for understanding or approval etc…
That person I was is not who I Am anymore, I thank her and all of the lessons because they made me who I am today, but I’m not taking them with me anymore.
I know who I Am, and others don’t need to understand me or my journey. I don’t need to prove or explain myself, I don’t need to be understood, I don’t need to be accepted. All that matters is that I love and accept myself, and that is when I’m in alignment with the higher power, and who I truly am. I choose to fully live my truth. My GREATNESS, my power, my love, my purpose! And you can do this too.
We were all born to be GREAT. And when we choose to live in that greatness, our very presence inspires others to bring out the greatness within them.
So, it’s time to kill the old you. You don’t need them anymore, they don’t serve you. Their time is up. It’s time to be RE-BORN. It’s time to choose to be the greatest version of yourself. Choose LOVE over FEAR!
Deep down we all know who we truly are, we just have to ALLOW ourselves to be that. ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL GOOD.
- LET GO OF THE PAST – Like I said, the past isn’t who you are any more and you don’t have to take it with you! The past is only in your mind and you are the one keeping it alive, and you are the one with the power to stop doing that. Choose to fully live in the NOW. Now is all there ever is. The past and future only exist in our minds. If the past doesn’t serve you, let it go. Let go of people from your past that don’t resonate with you anymore. Let go with love, if you have negative attachments to people, write them down, write down anyone who played a significant part in your life, good or bad! Thank them for being a teacher, even if they caused you pain, and thank them for being a blessing if they brought joy. Everyone we meet is a lesson in life, let them go if holding on doesn’t serve your greatest self. Send the people from your past love and healing and let them go to be able to move forward, and align with the right people! Let go of holding onto your past as an excuse not to move forward. Let go of items from your past that make you feel bad when you see them. This is all old energy and in order to bring new, we must let go of the old! And let go of the past with LOVE! With gratitude for the lessons and the knowing that it doesn’t exist anymore, you don’t want it or need it, it’s gone, so LET GO!
- LET GO OF THE HABITS THAT NO LONGER SERVE YOU – We become what we do every day, we become our daily habits and routines. Most of us do these every day feeling like were in robot mode, and can feel stuck in this routines because we’ve basically programmed ourselves to do them! We always have an opporuntity, to REPROGRAMME OURSELVES and choose better habits! I recommend keeping new habits going for 30 days to become natural! And then of course keep them going! Everyday decisions, everyday routines are our life. Choose better for the food you feed your body, does it come from life or death, therefore does it bring you life or death? Eat more plant based foods, make switches from coffee/fizzy juice/sugar based drinks to water, exercise daily, make gratitude lists through the day, meditate, stop watching tv and watch things that inspire you and motivate you, help you learn and grow! More nature, less city! More positivity! More love! More life!
- SELF LOVE – Self love has healed me and allowed to me to be my true self and live my best life. Self love has shown me that I am both a masterpiece and work in progress at the same time. I recognise I could always be a bettter version of me but I celebrate all that I am while I build this better version, and how far I have come. We can always be better we can always grow, but accepting and loving ourselves now is what can allow that to happen! Otherwise you’re just going to be waiting for your happiness, and like I said we can constantly be better so don’t beat yourself up, celebrate yourself every day, focus on your wins and what you love about yourself, instead of where and what you are not. You ARE everything you want to be already! Act like it! Believe in yourself, you are the only you there will ever be and that’s SO f**king special! Recognise your gifts, your INNER beauty, the amazing being that you are and unapologetically love the shit out of yourself! Loving myself has allowed me to know that all the love and happiness I’ll ever need is within me and I don’t need anyone else to give that to me. I have standards for the people I have around me because I have self love and know my worth. I no longer need approval or acceptance outside of myself, and because I have love and acceptance for myself, that allows me to love and accept others. To not expect from others, to not take anything personally that others do. Self love doesn’t make you vain or selfish, it makes you INDESTRUCTIBLE! Self love is essential in life. Self love brings inner peace. Self love is connection to higher power. Self love is whats best for everyone, self love allows you to be full so that you can truly give unconditonally, without losing anything from yourself. Make the decision to start loving yourself now! (I talk more about self love in my book “How To Be A F**king Unicorn” which is available from me on IG @leahbrooklyn or on Amazon!
- CREATE NEW BELIEFS – Change negative beliefs about yourself and life, and start creating, speaking and living new positive beliefs and repeat them often! “I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.’ ‘I AM ENOUGH’ ‘I AM GRATEFUL’ Get into a habit of believing life is great and it will be! You are the creator! If you decide in the morning you are going to have a great day, you will! If you decide to tell yourself you are good enough, you will start to feel it! Your beliefs create your reality, so decide to believe good things about yourself and life! Remember REPETITION IS KEY! Daily affirmations are powerful! Create a list of affirmations to speak and feel everyday to start believing, attracting and living them!
- REMEMBER YOUR WHY – Having this precious, temporary life experience should be enough of a reason, but we all need a bigger WHY. A higher purpose, greater than just us. A reason to remember why it is that we should be the greatest version of ourselves. Is it to give a better life to your family? To help a community? To change the world? Who could you help by being the greatest version of yourself. I choose to shine because I want to help others be unafraid to be their greatest, truest selves and do what they truly want to do with their life. I want to be a voice for love, acceptance, unity, truth. A voice for those who feel like they don’t fit in. I will use my voice for self love, because when we love ourselves we can truly love others and therefore heal the world. World peace starts with inner peace.
- FOCUS ON THE GOOD – What we experience in life, is determined by what we focus on, and we always have a choice! ENERGY FLOWS WHERE ATTENTION GOES. In other words, wherever you are focusing is how you are feeling and therefore what you are experiencing as reality! You could moan all day, focus on all the things that are going wrong, being pessimistic, feeling miserable and have a terrible day. OR You could appreciate your blessings, the small things that we take for granted are the most powerful, being able to see, hear, taste, touch, smell, truly experience this life, the food on our table, air, clean water, appreciate nature and life, see everyday as a new adventure, create, listen to music we love, dance, spend time with someone we love, read a book that inspires us, and have a great day! Because you DECIDED TO FOCUS ON THE GOOD! That is something you really do have control of! Where is your focus?
- ENJOY THE JOURNEY – Appreciate every moment of life, it is precious and is the only time there is. Stop waiting for happiness, and choose to be happy now! Accept where you are and love what you can, focus on that, and create a better future for yourself in every moment that you choose to be fully ALIVE!
This life is truly precious, and you truly are the creator.
CHOOSE TO BE FULLY YOUR TRUE SELF!
CHOOSE TO FULLY LOVE YOURSELF!
CHOOSE TO BE GREAT!
CHOOSE TO SHINE!
I LOVE YOU.
WE ARE ONE.